half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
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