Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
