So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
