i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
