Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
