Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
