Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
