i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
