I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
