yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
