Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
