haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Randomize
