census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
