he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
