The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
