got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
