i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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