Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Randomize
