the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
