i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
