girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
