that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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