Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
