i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
