I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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