Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
