Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I smell like Dick and happiness
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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