Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
