i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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