so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
