I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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