tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
