I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I just gargled with NyQuil
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
