Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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