So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
