Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
