I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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