my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize