i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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