I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
