i just wanna soil my oats bro
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
