Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
