my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
