If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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