There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
