the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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