rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
