Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
