Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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