1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize