your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
