I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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