Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
