So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
