she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
