Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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