I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
