I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
