I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
