70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
my poor anus
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
