Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
