He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
