oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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