I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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