I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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