He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
