if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
