There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
