He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
