am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
