on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
